Dear Comrades,

By now a new century has solidly made it’s mark on our calendars. I declare this the century of abolishing fear and insecurity…and the era of enjoying adulthood.

Remember how the year 2000 seemed like an eternity away. Then when it arrived it was feared to be the end of the world - Armageddon, Missles Flying, Oceans Boiling, Hide! Duck! Run! RUN!
Were the fear mongerers having a bad trip or what?! Nothing happened. What a waste of a beautiful night to be alive for those bunkered down in their foxholes watching corporate television and a perfect lesson about missed opportunities.

I have a superstition that what you do on the first day of the new year is what you will be doing for the rest of the year, beginning at midnight. I wanted this to be an amazing century, so despite the forecasts of doom and destruction I brought it in accordingly. When the clock struck midnight on my new century, I was shimmering on a dancefloor with the love of my life, surrounded by smiles, creativity, beautiful music and celebration. I’ve seen a lot of darkness in my life, if the bombs were to drop at least I was going to be happy that moment. And when I went home, everything was still there.

This may not seem like it has much to do with Mistressing, or being dominant, but it does. The day that you decide to take over your own life and live it the way you see fit, despite the fearmongers and the insecure, is the day that you become in control and being in control is what true power and domination is all about.

You see, we as a country have become confused. We mistake abuse with true power, we mistake intimidation and fear with control. Anyone using these tactics for control is weak. The truly powerful don’t need to lead with idle threats and fearmongering. The powerful don’t need to be self-absorbed and superficial, the powerful don’t need to be a physical threat, they simply have to be themselves, the masses will soon follow. Because people aren’t stupid, they want to live their lives with as little controversy as possible, that is fine, until they start allowing themselves to be ruled by the weak.

The day we wake up and realize that we are a species of sentient beings on a rotating rock in the middle of space with no rules, no instructions, nothing but our bodies and the matter around us to get us through our quick lives, is the day that we all achieve true freedom. But that day does not come for most, we crave rules and boundaries. So we listen to our "Superiors", our bosses, our teachers, our mothers, our fathers, our preachers, our neighbors, the television, the radio, the advertisers, the corporations, the government, anyone but ourselves to tell us who we are and what we should be. We don’t have to be anything, We choose to be who we are.

Here is where consequences step in. "If I don’t adhere to societies rules and regulations then I will face consequences", yes, that is true. But doing nothing is doing something and there are consequences for giving yourself away to society too. There are consequences for buying into the rules and regulations and it takes a strong will to stand up to a society of headstrong "authority" figures.

We are dominated every day. By anyone and everyone around us, bosses, spouses, children, parents, the government, the church…we can submit to their whims, or we can protest. So don’t think that being submissive is such a strange thing, we do it every day – whether it is wearing a tie or pantyhose to work, taking a ten minute break, paying tuition, hiding a sex magazine where no one can find it, etc. All of these are obeying rules laid out by society and if we follow, then we are submitting to these regulations or ideals. It should be a conscious choice, most of the time it seems like the only choice. But it isn’t.

Getting back to Mistressing…I am not a professional dominatrix in the sense that I do not exchange my time and attention for money, that is a totally different relationship. But even with a professional dominatrix, everything is consensual and usually a contract is formed between the dominant and the submissive, if it is not to the liking of the submissive, he/she can always take their money to another dominatrix. So in essence, the submissive is still always in control.

Mistressing is a bit different. I can only tell you from my perspective, because each Mistress does things differently, but the bottom line is that you are asked to be in control of another life, physically, mentally and/or spiritually, either for a portion of time or indefinitely. Nothing is more beautiful than to be offered a physical body, mind and spirit to play with. It is the ultimate toy.

This is not done with the intention of abusing the other person, the other person is trusting you to monitor their health and lead them through an experience that will bring them closer to their body and elevate them out of the realm of earth and into experiencing the gifts of the universe, pain, pleasure, facing fears, reliving the past, exercising demons (no I don’t mean satan’s little helpers, I mean past experiences that have left mental scars), and lastly letting go of all the things we so fiercely hold on to, like dignity, respect, admiration and fitting in.

I fully believe that body modification is simply a form of ownership, a way of saying "this is mine and I can do with it what I please, if I want a skull on my shoulder or a ring through my nipple, no one can stop me or force me into it if I don't – because I am mine." Make sense? On the same note I feel that submission is also a form of ownership, "this is mine, but you can have it for a while." If someone loaned you their car, you wouldn’t immediately go wrap it around a tree, this is an exchange of trust.

Ownership is very important these days. We are only allowed a week or two of vacation per year, we are only allowed to look a certain way, or to live a certain way to be acceptable to other humans or to be "normal". Is it normal to wear a tie? That doesn’t seem "normal" to me to drape something tightly around ones neck for eight hours only to take it off the second we are home. Is it "normal" to go sit behind a desk in a little grey cubicle for 8 hours staring at a monitor, having to arrive, dine and leave at the exact same time as all our co-workers? Is it "normal" to give our bodies and minds to a company for 5 out of 7 days, only to have to be told that we need to work weekends too? I think we need to redefine what "normal" is, because to me this is the behavior of sheep, not sentient beings.

It is normal to want to experiment with life, it is normal to want to experience different ways of behaving, living, feeling, tasting, touching and seeing. We listen to music to hear different sounds and emotions, we go to movies to experience the stories of other lives, we dine at different restaurants to experience different tastes, we reach out and touch almost everything we see to experience what it feels like. Curiousity is natural and the more we experience in life the better able we are to conduct our lives. As humans we also experience pain, usually it is beyond our control because if we can avoid it, we will. But why not take control of this experience as well?

The more I deal with pleasure, pain, control, fear, insecurity, loneliness, humiliation, etc, the more I feel empowered to deal with these experiences in life. These experiences teach us a great deal about our own threshholds and limits. They help us to ascertain why we fear certain things, and in some cases we may even change our opinions as we learn to embrace certain kinds of pain, like a good burning spanking. Once we are less afraid, then we are better able to conduct our lives and we are less likely to be dominated by abusers.

Abusers are the people who give S&M a bad name. They are the ones who are not doing things consentually. They feed off of the high of controlling someone and seek destruction, not empowerment. They are often deceptive and irresponsible. In a good Mistress/submissive relationship there are established boundaries and play is thoroughly discussed, an abuser will push beyond established boundaries until the subject is helpless, break them down until they are merely a heap of quivering flesh. They falsely believe that this is somehow an indication of power. No dear, it is an indication of an immature, insecure weakling who is unable to stand up to any real power, so they choose to pick on the innocent to boost their fragile ego.
But this type of behavior is common in the "real" world. How many times have parents told their children that they were worthless? How many times has a boss piled more work on an employee than they could handle? How many times has a teacher told a student that they would never be good at a particular subject? How many times has a wife told a husband that he was a loser? Domination isn't so foreign, is it?
How can I feel any sense of power if I am ruling over the completely helpless? What is more fun to play with, something sturdy or something that crumbles in your hands?
I want my subjects healthy and strong both physically and mentally. They need to choose to give themselves to me, I am not going to force them into it. It is so easy to manipulate people and is a tool of the weak.
This is play and fantasy. No one is being killed, no one is being injured, no one is being forced to do anything. This is adult play. I’ve waited all my life to be an adult, I intend to take full liberty of my freedoms.

So I am declaring this the century of the strong. I want to see us start to question why we do the things we do, I want us to realize that we don’t have to accept anything simply because everyone else is doing it and I want for each and every one of us to stand up for the choices that we know we need to make. I give you permission to take your life by the reigns and to experience the true power of conscious choices. At times you may make a mistake and this requires responsibility, another benefit of power. Your responsibility to take care of yourself is diminished every day you allow the world to tell you who you are. And if you are submissive, you have a genuine responsibility to not subject yourself to abuse, you will not be the fodder of the weak, it is better to serve the strong.

Trust me, you will not remember that day sitting at your cubicle being yelled at by your boss, but you will remember the time you got out and joined a group of protests, day you got that scar on your knee from dancing a little too briskly to your favorite band, moment you had a woman clad in thigh highs and a leather paddle spank your booty. You will be old one day, don’t you want to look back and remember life instead of wondering where it all went? Life is to be experienced, don’t let fear get in the way of your good time.

And as for Mistressing tips…do what you want and have fun doing it. Really allow yourself to get into it. You have my permission to have a good time being naughty...you'll wish you had done it sooner.


Mistress Victoria Kalimata